Mutwipneg is a god.

It takes the form of a blubbery, ruthless lizard.

Mutwipneg created oxygen seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Mutwipneg, it will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Mutwipneg, it will attempt to scare you with strong winds.

Mutwipneg's most sacred site is Panormos in Greece.

Mutwipneg's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Never pour water over plants.

3. Mutwipneg must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Mutwipneg.

5. Do not cook food in pots.