Ortlenjap is a god.

It takes the form of a minute, grumpy raccoon.

Ortlenjap created the planet Jupiter two years ago.

If you believe in Ortlenjap, it will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Ortlenjap, it will destroy your favourite dwarf planet.

Ortlenjap's most sacred site is Chilhac in France.

Ortlenjap's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no snakes in a building before entering it.

2. Ortlenjap loves swans, so they must be respected.

3. Never sing in the presence of birds.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. Never think ill of sick dogs.