Jarnbettar Omtvintail is a god.

He takes the form of a five hundred metre long, wise goblin.

Jarnbettar Omtvintail created Europe seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Jarnbettar Omtvintail, he will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Jarnbettar Omtvintail, he will turn you into a snail.

Jarnbettar Omtvintail's most sacred site is Xaaga in Mexico.

Jarnbettar Omtvintail's Holy Commandments

1. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

2. Do not wear silicon on your body.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. Never feed lots of cucumbers to manatees while wearing indigo jumpers.

5. Paint representations of dwarf planets on the walls of your dwelling place in magenta.