Lancatyam is a god.

It takes the form of a small, conceited fly.

Lancatyam created dark energy four billion years ago.

If you believe in Lancatyam, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Lancatyam, it will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Lancatyam's most sacred site is Katteri in India.

Lancatyam's Holy Commandments

1. Do not cook food in pots.

2. Never think about stars.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Lancatyam.

4. Do not covet oxen.

5. Never paint your back green.