Zimominkam is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, unthinking mole.

Zimominkam created silver eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Zimominkam, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Zimominkam, she will turn you into a rat.

Zimominkam's most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Zimominkam's Holy Commandments

1. Hide if nine dolphins approach from the south.

2. Do not speak about lentils.

3. Never think about the strong nuclear force near voles while wearing white skirts and balancing eight gold spheres on your arms.

4. Do not run in public.

5. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.