Rakartgil is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, selfish clam.

Rakartgil created the Sombrero Galaxy six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Rakartgil, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Rakartgil, he will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Rakartgil's most sacred site is Kauvatsa in Finland.

Rakartgil's Holy Commandments

1. Fast once a month.

2. Walk at least five thousand metres per day.

3. Rakartgil must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Never paint your neck mauve.