Larnflowdud is a god.

She takes the form of a large, quiet wren.

Larnflowdud created the cosmos nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Larnflowdud, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Larnflowdud, she will manifest in front of you.

Larnflowdud's most sacred site is Oitti in Finland.

Larnflowdud's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about the strong nuclear force near gulls while wearing indigo coats and balancing six iron spheres on your back.

2. Never jump near mice.

3. You must love Larnflowdud.

4. Larnflowdud loves doves, so they must be honoured.

5. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.