Lopmumhasjam is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely heavy, uncaring cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Lopmumhasjam created viruses eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Lopmumhasjam, it will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Lopmumhasjam, it will attempt to scare you with strong winds.

Lopmumhasjam's most sacred site is Turckheim in France.

Lopmumhasjam's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

2. Walk at least three thousand metres per day.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Do not cook food in pots.

5. Never think about dark matter near manatees while wearing black hats and balancing seven copper spheres on your head.