Xinfatbum is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely thin, temperamental walrus.

Xinfatbum created the Andromeda Galaxy nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Xinfatbum, it will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Xinfatbum, it will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Xinfatbum's most sacred site is Phepheng in Botswana.

Xinfatbum's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Xinfatbum.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Xinfatbum.

3. Never sit near shrews.

4. Do not stand on grass.

5. Always help sick turtles.