Hottiftetti is a god.

It takes the form of a very fat, omnipotent crow.

Hottiftetti created Asia nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hottiftetti, it will approve.

If you do not believe in Hottiftetti, it will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Hottiftetti's most sacred site is Uruachi in Mexico.

Hottiftetti's Holy Commandments

1. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

2. Hottiftetti loves frogs, so they must be honoured.

3. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

4. Do not fashion models of living things.

5. Always treat squirrels with great respect.