Danzanvincatfarpin is a god.

She takes the form of a planet-sized, conceited aardvark.

Danzanvincatfarpin created Mount Everest nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Danzanvincatfarpin, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Danzanvincatfarpin, she will turn you into a goat.

Danzanvincatfarpin's most sacred site is Troms in Norway.

Danzanvincatfarpin's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

2. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

3. Run away from purple snakes, for they are unholy.

4. Do not fashion models of living things.

5. Do not kill turtles.