Kapfarnkam is a god.

He takes the form of a four hundred metre long, sage fish.

Kapfarnkam created the Sun two million years ago.

If you believe in Kapfarnkam, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Kapfarnkam, he will jump up and down on your head.

Kapfarnkam's most sacred site is Troms in Norway.

Kapfarnkam's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about fire.

2. Look mercifully on unfortunate hamsters.

3. Always wear indigo.

4. Do not dye your hair pink.

5. Always pray immersed in water.