Sawlopyam is a god.

She takes the form of a slim, egotistical narwhal.

Sawlopyam created light two billion years ago.

If you believe in Sawlopyam, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Sawlopyam, she will ignore you and hope you go away.

Sawlopyam's most sacred site is Makopong in Botswana.

Sawlopyam's Holy Commandments

1. Do not commit murder.

2. Never think about chlorophyll.

3. Feed all hungry grasshopers.

4. Do not stand on grass.

5. Always stare at clouds.