Zoghaskikcip is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, sage crane.

Zoghaskikcip created carbon two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Zoghaskikcip, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Zoghaskikcip, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Zoghaskikcip's most sacred site is Thethampakkam in India.

Zoghaskikcip's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about optics.

2. Erect a giant purple sculpture of Zoghaskikcip in the centre of the settlement.

3. Never think about photosynthesis.

4. Do not trade with those who eat garlic.

5. Retreat if nine mice approach from the north.