Gigvolfab is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, cheerful dolphin.

Gigvolfab created humanity two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gigvolfab, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Gigvolfab, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Gigvolfab's most sacred site is Khwee in Botswana.

Gigvolfab's Holy Commandments

1. Always obey Gigvolfab's priests.

2. You must never eat spinach.

3. Never paint your back mauve.

4. Paint representations of moons on the walls of your dwelling place in orange.

5. Feed all hungry ducks.