Gunmaplakcid is a god.

She takes the form of a planet-sized, idiotic porpoise.

Gunmaplakcid created the Whirlpool Galaxy six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gunmaplakcid, she will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Gunmaplakcid, she will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Gunmaplakcid's most sacred site is Kerris in England.

Gunmaplakcid's Holy Commandments

1. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

2. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

3. Gunmaplakcid must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Always stare at clouds.

5. Do not wear red clothing.