Camcarhitbeg Cepzagfar is a god.

It takes the form of a heavy, unfair giraffe.

Camcarhitbeg Cepzagfar created gold nine million years ago.

If you believe in Camcarhitbeg Cepzagfar, it will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Camcarhitbeg Cepzagfar, it will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Camcarhitbeg Cepzagfar's most sacred site is Mmankgodi in Botswana.

Camcarhitbeg Cepzagfar's Holy Commandments

1. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

2. Never talk about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

3. Never look at planets.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. Always make a point of helping unfortunate eagles.