Landossfarn Catfonpog is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely heavy, omnipotent snail.

Landossfarn Catfonpog created everything that exists four years ago.

If you believe in Landossfarn Catfonpog, he will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Landossfarn Catfonpog, he will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Landossfarn Catfonpog's most sacred site is Brechfa in Wales.

Landossfarn Catfonpog's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear blue clothing.

2. Paint representations of asteroids on the walls of your dwelling place in white.

3. Always help sick turtles.

4. Never look in ponds.

5. Do not stand on grass.