Bettail is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely small, weak deer.

Bettail created gold five million years ago.

If you believe in Bettail, it will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Bettail, it will turn you into a giant snail.

Bettail's most sacred site is Rutalahti in Finland.

Bettail's Holy Commandments

1. Ants are not to be trusted.

2. Do not drink water in turquoise rooms.

3. Never feed cucumbers to nematodes while wearing jumpers.

4. Never write about galaxies.

5. Never play with disobedient children.