Garwappin is a god.

It takes the form of a gargantuan, unjust swallow.

Garwappin created the planet Mars seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Garwappin, it will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Garwappin, it will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Garwappin's most sacred site is Kerris in England.

Garwappin's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat green fruit.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Put Garwappin first in all things.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Garwappin loves pigs, so they must be honoured.