Yarppitquart Vidlinhen is a god.

He takes the form of a five hundred metre long, happy grasshopper.

Yarppitquart Vidlinhen created light seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Yarppitquart Vidlinhen, he will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Yarppitquart Vidlinhen, he will boil you in a big pot.

Yarppitquart Vidlinhen's most sacred site is Minnigaff in Scotland.

Yarppitquart Vidlinhen's Holy Commandments

1. Always help gulls.

2. Never eat green fruit.

3. Yarppitquart Vidlinhen must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Never laugh near aardvarks.

5. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.