Vonktonklap is a god.

She takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, stupid armadillo.

Vonktonklap created the planet Saturn seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Vonktonklap, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Vonktonklap, she will have a low opinion of you.

Vonktonklap's most sacred site is Qantir in Egypt.

Vonktonklap's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink alcohol.

2. Always help badgers.

3. Fast once a month.

4. Do not take Vonktonklap's name in vain.

5. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.