Pitditartjanloopfebhig is a god.

He takes the form of a very heavy, resourceful weasel.

Pitditartjanloopfebhig created dark matter four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Pitditartjanloopfebhig, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Pitditartjanloopfebhig, he will attempt to scare you with hail.

Pitditartjanloopfebhig's most sacred site is Estedt in Germany.

Pitditartjanloopfebhig's Holy Commandments

1. You must never eat cucumbers.

2. Do not trade with those who eat figs.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Never talk about thermodynamics near horses while wearing orange rings and balancing six nickel spheres on your legs.

5. Never wear brown trousers.