Jabingsiszogmil is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, wise penguin.

Jabingsiszogmil created a photon eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Jabingsiszogmil, she will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Jabingsiszogmil, she will turn you into a tree.

Jabingsiszogmil's most sacred site is Leswalt in Scotland.

Jabingsiszogmil's Holy Commandments

1. Draw representations of planets on the walls of your dwelling place.

2. Run away from purple ants, for they are unholy.

3. Pray towards the west.

4. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Jabingsiszogmil.

5. Never look in ponds.