Hapjarnfeb is a god.

She takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, resourceful fox.

Hapjarnfeb created Africa three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Hapjarnfeb, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Hapjarnfeb, she will send you a strongly worded letter.

Hapjarnfeb's most sacred site is Thethampakkam in India.

Hapjarnfeb's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Hapjarnfeb.

3. Do not drink water in violet rooms.

4. Hapjarnfeb loves badgers, so they must be respected.

5. Never go into turquoise rooms.