Dotmetmitjap is a god.

He takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, grumpy pig.

Dotmetmitjap created tapeworms two million years ago.

If you believe in Dotmetmitjap, he will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Dotmetmitjap, he will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Dotmetmitjap's most sacred site is Oitti in Finland.

Dotmetmitjap's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least six thousand metres per day.

2. Never sing near swans.

3. Never think about dwarf planets.

4. Never sprint in the presence of gulls.

5. Always wear yellow.