Japflowflap is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely small, all-knowing mongoose.

Japflowflap created energy eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Japflowflap, she will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Japflowflap, she will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Japflowflap's most sacred site is Utti in Finland.

Japflowflap's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Japflowflap.

2. Never talk about fire.

3. Never talk about quantum gravity.

4. Do not speak about gooseberries.

5. Do not drink alcohol.