Lancatgod is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely small, vain turtle.

Lancatgod created the planet Earth eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Lancatgod, she will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Lancatgod, she will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Lancatgod's most sacred site is Camon in France.

Lancatgod's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

3. Show mercy to disobedient children.

4. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

5. Never talk about fire.