Narlkopqueeg is a god.

It takes the form of a slender, unjust ferret.

Narlkopqueeg created a photon four billion years ago.

If you believe in Narlkopqueeg, it will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Narlkopqueeg, it will turn you into a puffin.

Narlkopqueeg's most sacred site is Acanceh in Mexico.

Narlkopqueeg's Holy Commandments

1. Narlkopqueeg loves birds, so they must be respected.

2. Learn three new languages a year.

3. Never look at black holes.

4. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

5. Do not chop down trees.