Tettiganbeg is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, compassionate giraffe.

Tettiganbeg created the Black Eye Galaxy two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tettiganbeg, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Tettiganbeg, he will say rude things about you at parties.

Tettiganbeg's most sacred site is Grimme in Germany.

Tettiganbeg's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed beans to otters while wearing boots.

2. You must love Tettiganbeg.

3. Never feed onions to sheep while wearing orange shorts.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Look mercifully on unfortunate frogs.