Lagtiplak is a god.

He takes the form of a very small, sapient bat.

Lagtiplak created an up quark five million years ago.

If you believe in Lagtiplak, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Lagtiplak, he will turn you into a tree.

Lagtiplak's most sacred site is Insel in Germany.

Lagtiplak's Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Do not cook food in pots.

3. Erect a large carbon sculpture of Lagtiplak on top of all buildings.

4. Hide from white rats for they are unholy.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of silicon.