Tomdagfum is a god.

She takes the form of a plump, happy gorilla.

Tomdagfum created a strange quark nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Tomdagfum, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Tomdagfum, she will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Tomdagfum's most sacred site is Laurila in Finland.

Tomdagfum's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

2. You must love Tomdagfum.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Tomdagfum.

5. Retreat if five hamsters approach from the west.