Kinzigbab is a god.

It takes the form of a planet-sized, clever alligator.

Kinzigbab created carbon five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Kinzigbab, it will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Kinzigbab, it will turn you into a rock.

Kinzigbab's most sacred site is Dommerby in Denmark.

Kinzigbab's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about electromagnetism near tapirs while wearing mauve ear rings and balancing six nickel spheres on your hands.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Always help sick snails.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. Never eat gooseberries.