Figsanmad is a god.

She takes the form of a six hundred metre long, benevolent snake.

Figsanmad created a top quark five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Figsanmad, she will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Figsanmad, she will jump up and down on your head.

Figsanmad's most sacred site is Questenberg in Germany.

Figsanmad's Holy Commandments

1. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of zinc.

3. Always make sure there are no great tits in a building before entering it.

4. Do not speak about oranges.

5. Do not wear titanium on your body.