Yarlbafhen is a god.

It takes the form of a plump, unsympathetic bear.

Yarlbafhen created carbon eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Yarlbafhen, it will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Yarlbafhen, it will turn you into a mole.

Yarlbafhen's most sacred site is Cobbelsdorf in Germany.

Yarlbafhen's Holy Commandments

1. Yarlbafhen loves shrews, so they must be honoured.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of carbon.

3. Never think ill of sick foxes.

4. Never hurt horses.

5. You must never eat lentils.