Witjipcem is a god.

He takes the form of a giant, unjust wolf.

Witjipcem created the Black Eye Galaxy seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Witjipcem, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Witjipcem, he will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Witjipcem's most sacred site is Mazunte in Mexico.

Witjipcem's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak about melons.

2. Fast once a month.

3. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

4. Witjipcem loves bats, so they must be respected.

5. Never eat bark.