Batmad is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, staggering cow.

Batmad created dark matter six billion years ago.

If you believe in Batmad, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Batmad, he will cry a lot.

Batmad's most sacred site is Tatul in Bulgaria.

Batmad's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Never eat green fruit.

3. Never hurt gulls.

4. Do not take Batmad's name in vain.

5. Do not wear indigo clothing.