Battagzim is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely small, generous swan.

Battagzim created gold eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Battagzim, she will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Battagzim, she will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Battagzim's most sacred site is Mazunte in Mexico.

Battagzim's Holy Commandments

1. Do not eat oranges.

2. Always stare at clouds.

3. Never bounce in holy places.

4. Erect a giant mauve sculpture of Battagzim in the centre of the settlement.

5. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.