Volcumpad is a god.

It takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, narcissistic shark.

Volcumpad created everything that exists eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Volcumpad, it will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Volcumpad, it will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Volcumpad's most sacred site is Avebury Stone Circle in England.

Volcumpad's Holy Commandments

1. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

2. Always treat nematodes with great respect.

3. Do not speak about bananas.

4. Moths are not to be trusted.

5. Never laugh in holy places.