Ditloopontnurl Wipsawpib is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, generous snail.

Ditloopontnurl Wipsawpib created a charm quark two million years ago.

If you believe in Ditloopontnurl Wipsawpib, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Ditloopontnurl Wipsawpib, she will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Ditloopontnurl Wipsawpib's most sacred site is Zhelaizhai in China.

Ditloopontnurl Wipsawpib's Holy Commandments

1. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Ditloopontnurl Wipsawpib.

3. Never pour water over plants.

4. Never write about amino acids.

5. Learn three new languages a year.