Quaffodwig is a god.

It takes the form of a plump, emotional ant.

Quaffodwig created tapeworms eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Quaffodwig, it will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Quaffodwig, it will curse you and those you beget for fifty two trillion years.

Quaffodwig's most sacred site is Kottucherry in India.

Quaffodwig's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Hide from yellow grasshopers for they are unholy.

3. Never write about black holes.

4. Always make sure there are no aardvarks in a room before entering it.

5. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.