Quafgidhin is a god.

It takes the form of a very heavy, duplicitous narwhal.

Quafgidhin created Europe seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Quafgidhin, it will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Quafgidhin, it will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Quafgidhin's most sacred site is Fangchuan in China.

Quafgidhin's Holy Commandments

1. Always treat hamsters with great respect.

2. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

3. Never look in ponds.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. Never play with disobedient children.