Ontcandud is a god.

She takes the form of a large, irritating dryad.

Ontcandud created the Black Eye Galaxy two years ago.

If you believe in Ontcandud, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Ontcandud, she will turn you into a tree.

Ontcandud's most sacred site is Farnetta in Italy.

Ontcandud's Holy Commandments

1. Do not commit murder.

2. Never write about ribonucleic acid.

3. Retreat if seven moths approach from the east.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Do not take Ontcandud's name in vain.