Matmapyim is a god.

He takes the form of a slender, omnipotent tortoise.

Matmapyim created the universe seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Matmapyim, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Matmapyim, he will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Matmapyim's most sacred site is Wukan in China.

Matmapyim's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to music.

2. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

3. Never go into pink rooms.

4. Fast once a month.

5. You must never eat peas.