Barndanstafbarn is a god.

She takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, witty clam.

Barndanstafbarn created the planet Jupiter two million years ago.

If you believe in Barndanstafbarn, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Barndanstafbarn, she will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Barndanstafbarn's most sacred site is Saint-Sauvan in France.

Barndanstafbarn's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear trousers.

2. Never feed turnips to voles while wearing magenta hats.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Do not trade with those who eat coconuts.

5. Never write about solid mechanics.