Safmattarp is a god.

It takes the form of a giant, astonishing scorpion.

Safmattarp created Mount Everest twelve years ago.

If you believe in Safmattarp, it will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Safmattarp, it will laugh at you.

Safmattarp's most sacred site is Estedt in Germany.

Safmattarp's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about archaea.

2. Never eat green fruit.

3. Show mercy to disobedient children.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. Never feed beans to ducks while wearing scarves.