Wapsag is a god.

She takes the form of a six hundred metre long, clever fairy.

Wapsag created Africa eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Wapsag, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Wapsag, she will curse you and those you beget for fifty two trillion years.

Wapsag's most sacred site is Laurila in Finland.

Wapsag's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about the weak nuclear force.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Run away from blue mice, for they are unholy.

4. Hide if seven porpoises approach from the north.

5. Never paint your chest cyan.