Nartgarmeg Farbassflappom is a god.

It takes the form of a four hundred metre long, humorless raccoon.

Nartgarmeg Farbassflappom created the planet Venus nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Nartgarmeg Farbassflappom, it will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Nartgarmeg Farbassflappom, it will have a very low opinion of you.

Nartgarmeg Farbassflappom's most sacred site is Vandet in Denmark.

Nartgarmeg Farbassflappom's Holy Commandments

1. Always help porpoises.

2. Never pour water over plants.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Nartgarmeg Farbassflappom loves horses, so they must be honoured.

5. Always help otters in need.