Nartifjarn is a god.

He takes the form of a small, benevolent hyena.

Nartifjarn created the planet Mars eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Nartifjarn, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Nartifjarn, he will turn you into a hamster.

Nartifjarn's most sacred site is Nanjie in China.

Nartifjarn's Holy Commandments

1. Sharks are not to be trusted.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Nartifjarn.

4. Never think about deoxyribonucleic acid.

5. Do not keep nine dolphins in a large pit.