Ligbifcab is a god.

She takes the form of a giant, deceitful grasshopper.

Ligbifcab created water eight million years ago.

If you believe in Ligbifcab, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Ligbifcab, she will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Ligbifcab's most sacred site is Snapp in Sweden.

Ligbifcab's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about special relativity.

2. Never eat bark.

3. Always make sure there are no ducks in a room before entering it.

4. Look mercifully on unfortunate horses.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.